6 Ways to Get Past the Pain of Unrequited Love

Love is the most beautiful and powerful force that exists on earth.  Love is defined and shown in millions of ways and there isn’t more magical feeling than the feeling that someone cares for you, thinks about you, craves you all the time. It’s breathtaking indeed. However when love is just one-sided,  and not returned, especially if the person’s emotions are very intense and deep, it can be beyond devastating, and sometimes even unmanageable.

Sadly there is no easy way with dealing with a heartbreak, but still, in time your heart will heal, and you know how they say “What doesn’t kill you, simply makes you stronger”,  which means after you face your pain you will be stronger than ever.

1. You are not alone

You must be feeling like a victim of life’s cruelty and, feeling completely broken, thinking that this kind of things happen only to you, and overanalyze everything and searching for the mistake in yourself. Think again because according to social psychologist and my Roy Baumeister, even 98% of us have suffered from unreciprocated love at least once in life. And yes all those people felt the exact same ways you are feeling, rejected, ashamed, feeling like you’re not good enough. Often you tried to overcome the pain with distraction maybe alcohol, emotional binge eating, crying, but none of it seemed to help.

Take a moment and think, so it’s not up to you. Nothing’s wrong with you, you are not unattractive, you’re not fat, and most certainly you are not stupid. If 98% of the people experienced unrequited love statistically that’ means that huge percent of them being beautiful, successful, and super smart got rejected just like you and now you must be wondering then what’s the reason behind the rejection? Well, I’m glad you asked because the reason my dear is that in love beauty and personal success can very often be irrelevant, and that simply two specific individuals are not meant to be together. Sometimes the timing might be wrong for your partner, sometimes could be you, but what’s important is to remember that as cliche as it sounds all happens for a reason and all you have to do is be patient and wait for the time to heal your pain.

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2. Face the pain 

Only those of us who experienced pain from love can know how awful and devastating it could be. It can be unbearable to the level where you actually almost feel physical heartache in your chest and sick to your stomach. And even though people use the terms ” broken heart”  ” broken spirit” and “hurt feelings”  mostly as metaphors according to a group of researchers headed by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan, evidence shows that emotional pain activates the same part of your brain as physical pain. So now that you know this, deal with the pain as if you would deal with a physical injury like broken leg, only instead of casting a splint on your heart, be gentle to yourself and take good care for yourself, knowing that this is the only stage and in time your heart will heal, just like any other organ would.

3. Know that even the person who broke your heart feels bad as well

This may sound irrelevant but then again it’s very important to know that the person still cares about you and that his/her actions may have hurt you. In a study of more than 200 incidents of unrequited love, Baumeister found that rejecters suffered from guilt and anxiety often reported feeling like they were victims. Baumeister reports that many of the pursued said things like, “I never hurt anyone before,” and talked about how awful it made them feel to know that they were doing it now. I know this is barely a consolation, but still, it’s little comforting to know that what you’re going through it’s not insignificant to them.

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4. Think twice if you’d been better if you never met them at all 

We are who we are because certain events and situations made us the people we are today, and without those bad experiences we wouldn’t be wiser nor we’d know for better. So don’t regret your lost love, nor consider its mistake, but quite the opposite.  You know there is a saying “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened” and you have to do exactly that. Be thankful for the experience because it helped you grow as a person and because of that experience you are who you are today.

5. It is a double-edged sword!

Believe it or not, the recent studies prove that the unrequited love hurts the person who is loved as well as the one who is doing the loving. This should be some kind of a consolation and comfort you. Baumeister found that rejecters suffer from guilt and anxiety, even when it’s subconscious.

6. Give up the quest for closure

You finally need to accept reality as it is. Your ‘quest’ for love will be completed when you the least expect. Don’t you ever lose hope, but maybe it’s time to focus on some other important things in life. You are a precious and valuable person, if someone rejected you- maybe you’re the one that’s getting the upper hand, in the long run, maybe you are the one who’s going to benefit from the rejection.

Source: Psychology Today

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